We all have goals and aspirations in life; and for sure, most of us are working silently to be in a state where we want to be. However, had there been a moment when you failed to follow your original plans due to unseen life circumstances? How did you feel about it? It might be frustrating at first but let me share with you my recent experiences and thoughts about this. I hope that through my story, you will be enlightened and be inspired as much as I am right now :)
As I enter the early adulthood stage, I figured out how hard it is to create the “ideal life” I’ve always wanted. I remember how happy I was when I got my first pay check after graduation; but over the years of working full-time, I felt like I’m turning myself into a money-making robot who is mainly responsible in paying off her piling financial obligations. I tried to make a life out of the corporate life through different social events & activities with friends, colleagues and going through several dates with my boyfriend back then - who is now my husband. I was quite a happy-go-lucky girl before who was trying to enjoy her hard earned money while trying to adjust with the pressure of adulthood. I was quite comfortable on how my life used to be back then. However, I realized later on that I am not truly happy with what I am doing or with the state I was in. Despite me having a stable job and earning enough money to pay for all the bills and being able to meet my daily needs independently, it seemed there was a lacking purpose in my life. I admitted that I was not happy; that I need to do something fulfilling. Then I begun to ask myself what I truly want to achieve, what is my purpose, and what I really want to do with my life. After a deep self-assessment, I somehow was able to find few answers to my questions. I knew I have to follow my passion, that I wanted to make an impact in society through my creative works on the side while enjoying every moment I could share with my husband. From then on, I decided to follow my passion - I enrolled in short courses in fashion school, I started blogging, got active in social media so I can reach out to people, and started planning my dream business.
I was so hyped and I thought I was perfectly on track with my plans early last year. I was happy with how I was able to slowly work on my dreams/goals; but all of a sudden, everything stopped. I got pregnant unexpectedly. We just got married last January 2018, and having a baby was not part of our plan in the 1st year of our marriage. We just moved in to our new home, we’re still paying some loans and we are still generally adjusting with married life. It was unplanned and honestly, I was not 100% happy with the pregnancy because I had to stop everything I was doing that time and I was forced to change all my plans for the year and even the coming years. Don’t get me wrong, I know it was a great blessing but the timing seemed not perfect for me. I was really struggling during the 1st trimester of my pregnancy - had severe nausea and I was advised to take a bed rest for a time because of an internal bleeding. My focus shifted from dream fulfillment to my health and our babies (yes, we are blessed with twins). I had to forget about chasing my own dreams that time. Right there and there, the momentum stopped, then I begun to question my purpose again. I wondered why it has to happen at that time, when I was fully satisfied with all the action steps I was doing for me to be able to achieve my dreams after years of procrastination. This situation has also somehow affected our financial status for a time, because I was not able to report to work for a month due to my sensitive condition. I gained weight and there were a lot of physical changes due to pregnancy. There even came a point when I wasn’t able to fully recognize myself anymore. Literally, I didn’t want to see myself in the mirror and I lost the motivation to pursue all of the plans I had for myself and exciting plans for our clothing business. I felt I was not fit to market my own clothing pieces anymore for the planned launch because of my new look and situation. Maybe I sounded selfish but that is what I really felt at that time. I had a hard time adjusting - mentally, emotionally, physically and financially. Then again, I begun to question the timing - why now? Why I was not given the opportunity to finish everything I started first, for the fulfillment of my dreams? Why were things didn’t go as planned? Do I really need to dump my plans? Should I really need to stop dreaming and be contented with my new life direction? Shall I just accept this new state? I had to be honest; I was in shock due to all the sudden life changes and I was not prepared at all.
But you know what I realized after several months of self-questioning? I realized that God’s plans for us are better than our own plans; that He knows what can make us truly happy; and that He will never leave us, for His love and spiritual guidance will always be there. I came from a broken family. My childhood was not that happy because I grew up without the presence of a “father” and my mom was forced to leave me and my younger sister here in the Philippines as she had to work abroad to support us financially. When I was a kid, I was badly longing for their presence and I was always hoping and wishing that my parents can reconcile so that I could experience the joy of having a complete happy family, just what my friends were experiencing that time; although I knew it will never happen. But then, I was wrong. God did actually fulfilled my wish. I am blessed with a loving & responsible husband, and we were blessed with not just one, but two little angels. This is the one I’ve been asking for my whole life, and He was actually giving it to me now. Finally, I have a complete family. Maybe I was too focused with a lot of personal development goals that I actually forgot one thing that I’m ultimately wishing for since I was a child. This is what I wanted. This will what make me genuinely happy. It might not seem to be a perfect situation at first, but if you will allow yourself to look into it in a deeper perspective, you will feel that He’s actually providing you what you truly need - at His perfect time.
I will forever be grateful with the greatest blessings I have right now. Also, I learned that we should not stop dreaming. There might be some delays but we will always be given the opportunity to pursue our dreams. I am happy with what I have and where I am right now. I thought I have to give up my life aspirations after giving birth, but no. I am more motivated and inspired now to work on those goals because of my children. I feel so blessed that despite the inner struggles I had last year, I was now able to slowly overcome the negative thoughts and is still being blessed with the opportunities, resources and inner strength to follow my passion.
So if you feel that the reality you are in right now is far from what you’re actually asking or wishing for, just remember that He is working out things for you. Keep in mind that His timing and His plans are always perfect. See things in different perspective and try to always look into the brighter side. When things don’t go as planned, don’t be upset. Trust that you are being directed to a better path - where you will be genuinely happy.
So there, I hope you gained something from this post :) Let’s keep in touch! Feel free to share your thoughts and comments. Reach out to me if you need someone to talk to. I am very much open for any conversations. Enjoy life, we are all blessed in different ways. :)